All morning I had been feeling mildly repelled by the idea of a heavy lunch. Had I gone with this I might have had a light, healthy, lunch. Instead I talked myself into going to Subway and having a 12" meatball sub, 2 bags of chips, and a coke.
I started to feel awkward as I pulled into the parking lot, and the feeling kept building as I stood in line. I felt a little embarrassed as I ordered, but my inferiority really kicked in when I saw what the man in front of me had ordered. He had a veggie patty on a 6" pita, covered with sauces and fresh veggies. To drink he got a cup of water.
This was the lunch that I should have ordered. This was an example of the way I should be living. Modest in portions, but enormous in satisfaction. My food was flat and heavy; punishing me with its artificial flavoring and density. His was complex and uplifting.
When the man behind the counter mentioned that both he and the man with the envied lunch were Brahmans (the highest caste in Hinduism) I started to feel like a lowly mongrel.
After lunch I started to compulsively find fault with everyone I saw. "This guy didn't pull into his parking space right." "Look at that guy's coat. You can tell he's weak just by looking at it." "That guy on the radio is an idiot."
I find myself in the middle of this pointless exercise. Something shakes my fragile sense of superiority and I react by wallowing in (self) hatred. I am especially susceptible to this when I know I am not in the right.
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